You accept the love you think you deserve

That is definitely my favorite quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower. The quote is even more meaningful than I thought it would be before watching the movie.

It's just so candid. Sometimes you settle for less because you don't know how much you're worth. But then again, it's pretty screwed up putting value on yourself. 

Amsterdam

I've got to get out of this hole.

stood on the egde, tied to a noose. You came along and you cut me loose. 

What's more important than the win? The chase.

But that's the 15 year old me speaking.

Surah Al-An'am

I don't know how to describe this Surah accurately. The Quran is full of stories but this surah struck a different chord with me. I was intensely angry with the level of ignorance evident today, and perhaps I was even more frustrated knowing that I let myself contribute to this societal cancer. In an attempt to calm myself down, I opened the Quran, and found this verse:

"If their dislike is hard on you, then see if you can seek a tunnel in the ground or a ladder to the sky, so that you can bring them a sign. (You know) if Allah willed, Allah could have gathered them on the guidance. So do not be like the ignorant. "

6:35 Surah Al-An'am

This verse to me, is extremely powerful and I don't think my interpretation can do justice to it(even that is an understatement).
Just to be clear, The interpretation is obvious but I really hate to appear using Quranic verses to justify my actions or to make myself feel better because it's parallel to my actions/thoughts.

This verse calmed me down for 1 reason: it was a solution.

You are not entitled to be angry at those who challenge your thoughts whether rightfully or not. You have no liberty to ridicule the ignorant. They are not deserving of your judgment because "If Allah willed, Allah could have gathered them on guidance" and to top it all perfectly "So do not be like the ignorant" because firstly, ignorance is the source of moral decadence but the ignorant can turn into the conscious and the scariest part is vice versa.

At one point I did feel like it's easier to hide knowledge and consciousness because sometimes it repels people (real scientific research has proven so). Once you start hiding, you stop yearning to know more because sharing or application of knowledge is ultimately the end to this means. So the best thing to do is stated already in that verse. Don't perceive to remain the guided one forever, don't past judgment on others and most importantly, enrich yourself with knowledge even when others fail to do so because only Allah knows what our thoughts are.

it's kind of disheartening when you get into and accident whether big or small, and the first thing someone asks is whether your car's ok or whether your parents are angry that you ruined a new car.

i dont expect people to care about my general well- being but i get annoyed when people seem to care about my general everything-else-that-can-go-wrong-in-my-life-being

but tht's just me again,focusing on the bad when many others wished nothing but safety for me. everything's a big mess lately, and i cant seem to figure out why.

Psychonomist.

So some time in June, I took a little quote out of Sophie's world and shared it with my world:

http://downtokokomo.blogspot.com/2012/06/kinda-hard-to-imagine-that-this-was.html

Keeps me grounded every time. Just to illustrate how great minds think alike, here are a few related quotes from different great minds:

"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision"

-Bertrand Russel

"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool"

-William Shakespeare

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge"

-Charles Darwin, well despite his ridiculous theory of evolution, have to commend him on his gifted philosophical mind.

to share a little bit of how I got around to learning about these quotes, it was a nice gloomy Sunday evening when I decided to ponder upon the existence of humanity around me. Post-human interaction, I also started to study why humans behave the way they do? Why some say things they don't mean. Why some say things they don't like to hear themselves. Why some believe in being something they are not. Yes many many questions but most importantly, I was trying to understand how a person can say something that is of his or her greatest concern, yet act the complete opposite, perhaps just perhaps, without realising it. 
So I found the Dunning-Kruger theory, looked into Bipolar disorder, read a little bit of Freud's psychology of projection etc etc, you know, stuff normal people do before the monday blues. 
I'd love to go into psychology. psychonomist. That sounds better than it means. 

Conservation of Energy

I have too much energy to let it go to waste ( but being here doesn't make that much difference). Speaking of energy, I wonder if someone's attempted to calculate the total amount of energy in the world. Conservation of energy states that energy in an isolated system cannot be created or destroyed, but can only be changed from one form to another which undeniably means there is a constant amount of energy in the world (and universe). Obviously no one attempted to enumerate knowing how immeasurably enormous present measures of energy are. Whenever I think of science, I think of my sister the engineer in the family who never fails to relate science back to the Creator. If energy is not being created of destroyed, then it could not have existed without a creator with infinite power. MashaAllah. How great God is.

let's now transform my energy from being awake to sleeping. 

Grammar lesson #1

The difference between "can" and "may"; the former indicates capability or possibility, whereas the latter grants us permission to do something.

I.e. Can I drive your Rolls Royce? Well, yes, if your feet can reach the pedals and you can understand the concept of a steering wheel.

May I drive your Rolls Royce? Over my dead body.


Taken from " My Grammar and I".

I've been spending my Sunday afternoon reading on grammar. It's bizarre because the more I think about it, the more I question how I got through school with straight As. It's quite unthinkable, but that's a whole other matter.

I didn't come here to talk about grammar to be honest, I just thought that was something interesting to share.(but ofcourse you know the above fact already)

on another note, I never really understood the difference between apathy and paranoia. That line has been erased, drawn, erased again, and now it's quasi visible with smeared lead on both territories. In other words, it's a pretty messy area. well perhaps not for you (lucky).

Have you ever felt like you don't care about this or that, but in truth, you're just scared. Treating people as places and places as people because you believe(strongly) that everything is temporary. but there's another part of you that is scared that if you put any importance in places, people and anything else for that matter, you'd be...affected. In more ways than one.

Well, that's tough. 

let's talk

i've always wanted to be one of those people who are so incredible at speeches, like martin luther king jr, obama, those people on ted tv. the more i try the harder it gets to be honest but i did manage to   reveal some of the secrets of those who are eloquent :

1) they talk alot or

2) they are clear -minded or

3) they read alot or

4) they watch alot of tv.

way to point out the obvious( i have the tendency of doing that)..

but seriously, i'm not a naturally talkative person. i can talk non -stop if i have to or when i'm with certain people, but i find talking very hard to do which is why i believe i was born verbally challenged. 

after giving much thought to it, i realise that, we really dont have much to talk about. we have much less to say than we acually think we do. like when i was catching up with a friend, i really dont feel like talking about my life and what i've endured because for one, if i've gone through some difficult times and survived it, i dont see the point in telling the story because i've made it through well and good. when something good happens, i dont wanna talk about it because i dont even want to give anyone the chance of thinking i'm gloating. ofcourse not everyone is that mean, but preventive measures beat the crap outta having to fix a complicated situation. 

furthermore, if you dont tell anyone anything, when something goes wrong, you have noone else tIo blame but your self and i personally feel being hard on yourself is better than blaming others for your weaknesses or mistakes. whatelse can we talk about? my interests? oh if only.. work?  boring.
food?i'd rather eat than talk about it. politics? too lazy to argue with varying opinions when you know you're right and by right i mean you're just as intolerant as everyone else invloved in that discussion.

i might have gone off tangent here, but i guess if i wanna be like martin luther king i gotta forget about a and brush up on b,c or d. perhaps I shoud forget about b too. was probably born a scatter brain.

i feel a little bit psychotic.

if you can't pretend you're happy, why not avoid people when you're not.

Don't even know if I make any sense

“So you see, Good and Evil have the same face; it all depends on when they cross the path of each individual human being.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

Last week I had a discussion with two friends on this article:

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/reflections/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/

twas very enlightening and a friend brought up what I felt was the most intriguing part of the article that relates to an even bigger scope of things and I quote :

Allah (glorified is He) tells us in a very profound ayah (verse): “Verily with hardship comes ease.” (Qur’an, 94:5). Growing up I think I understood this ayah wrongly. I used to think it meant: after hardship comes ease. In other words, I thought life was made up of good times and bad times. After the bad times, come the good times. I thought this as if life was either all good or all bad. But that is not what the ayah is saying. The ayah is saying WITH hardship comes ease. The ease is at the same timeas the hardship. This means that nothing in this life is ever all bad (or all good). In every bad situation we’re in, there is always something to be grateful for. With hardship, Allah also gives us the strength and patience to bear it.

That has always been one of my favourite verses, but I too, had misunderstood it the same way the writer did.  I know the general presumption is that, hardship is God's challenge for us and ease is God's reward but it certainly works the other way as well.

I read the Devil and Ms Prym (good read, I recommend it) before I even read the article and was deeply troubled by the above extract. It seemed like such a horrid and somewhat defeatist idea to believe in but a small part of me did any way. Perhaps everything God has furnished us with, whether it's our wealth, intelligence, status and even the most abstract paraphernalia such as our ideas, thoughts, assumptions, etc, has two faces, but I do believe it is not as straightforward as being good and evil. From the interpretation of the Quranic verse I realised that, my fear arose from the very two faces of my presumption; acceptance that life is a cycle, uncertainty of life's cycle. When hardship falls upon me, I beg God to provide ease, when I'm at ease, I constantly worry about my downturn. This unhealthy situation stems from my lack of understanding.

Relating the quote to the verse, what we make out of everything God has given us defines the face of it and this face changes with time. It will keep on changing until our very last breath but one thing for sure,  it is written for the faithful that everything happens for a good reason.

internationalists

" All around the world, countries are developing strong national sentiments. and that's not good; it's time that our worries and concerns be not just national but global. Now the world has to develop internationalist sentiments because we wouldnt be internationalists or possess a doctrine of worldwide solidarity if we began to blame other nations."

Fidel Castro.

"that's the reality of bani Adam, it's a pathetic state"

Of civilisations

pardon me for recycling my posts. this is taken from my journal written sometime 2 years ago when i was in Dhaka. I was thinking about dinosaurs and the theory of evolution when my sisters and I started talking about great civilisations before us.

"about a year and a half ago, a bengoli couple( Miraj and Shumona) who were acquainted to Dad came to Malaysia for their honeymoon and I somehow became their tour guide in Kuala Lumpur. Bengoli people are generally very big-hearted and hospitable so if they are fond of you, they make sure you know it. I try not to say this and perhaps I would never in a million years let myself think this even with people close to me, but this couple is very fond of me. I did after all spend a week bringing them all around KL. It's human nature to have a strong sense of gratitude towards people's help and hospitability. So even though we met only that time in Malaysia, I became like family to them. 
They would always email me to come visit them here, and here I am finally. So today, they came over and decided to take me to out. We ended up going to Shumona's Dad's house which was extremely awkard for me cause I'm like "The Guest of the House" and I'm just a kid. It would have been different if my parents had followed, then I'd just be the daughter of "The Guests". Shumona's dad(perhaps a man slightly older than my dad) came out to entertain me. He was a bewitching learned man so we had a lot to talk about. He started telling me about the Egyptian civilization and continued expressing his fascination and admiration for History which led to us talking about the nature and destiny of a civilization. He said, Alexandria was called the Lost City because part of the city is now lost underwater. C'est la vie. The world will turn upside down to end a civilization. Like the nation of Lot (Prophet Luth, PBUH). That is the cycle. 
With the flash floods, mudslides, tsunamis, scientifically speaking, the physicality of the world may indicate a mark for the end of our civilization. Looking back into history, even thousands of years before the birth of Christ(PBUH), this seems relevant. Untill now, noone has yet to discover the technology behind the construction of the Pyramids and the mummification process. Untill now you can't find anyone comparable to avicenna and the likes. We are no more advanced than those civilizations before us. Only our modernity and technological convenience led us to think we are. This does not go to say that our civilization is a weak one. In contrary to that, this is highlighting that every single civilization has had its profound achievements. However, the lessons behind the decadence and fall of all the different civilizations made me think, noone, no nation, no society, can escape their fate. No nation is too profound for collapse. We will have to face what is already written whether we like it or not. 
I love this thought. The thought of being a part of a civilization instead of individualism. 
Anyway, do I really think our civilization will come to an end soon? I have no answer for that. If soon is 50 years away, then perhaps yes. I have forgotten what is the point of this post "

the Theory of Self Interest

"Our society right now is in a crisis, but a lot of the crisis is a direct result of misguided priorities of people that put everything into themselves and forgot about others. When you begin to give up self interest, and think about the common wheel, God will take care of your self interest.  When you focus on your self interest and forget about and the common wheel, God will cause you to even forget your self interest. They forgot God so God caused them to forget themselves."

We've got clear moral guidance so who cares whether Adam Smith was right or wrong.

nineteen hundred and nineteen

Come let us mock at the great
That had such burdens on the mind
And toiled so hard and late
 To leave some monument behind,
Nor thought of the levelling wind.

 Come let us mock at the wise;
With all those calendars whereon
They fixed old aching eyes,
They never saw how seasons run,
And now but gape at the sun.
 Come let us mock at the good
That fancied goodness might be gay,
And sick of solitude
Might proclaim a holiday:
Wind shrieked— and where are they?

 Mock mockers after that
That would not lift a hand maybe
To help good, wise or great
To bar that foul storm out, for we
Traffic in mockery.

 William Butler Yeats Nineteen Hundred and Nineteen

Addicted

to this

sometimes it's not about forgiving and forgetting. knowing the adverse inner thoughts a person has about you and which the same person has shared with various different people in his or her circle of acquaintances, is the only reason you need to stay away. albeit situations may have changed, perceptions may have been altered, the past has been forgotten, some things remain embedded in our minds like the engraved stones in the cemetery. it's not as simple as that but it sure is easier to feel this way.

having encountered exceptionally wonderful people, who are so different in the most extraordinary way, I begin to realise the unimaginable possibilities that exist in this world, albeit temporary. I'd love for this sort of amazement to continue, but I too one day hope that I would amaze someone I meet myself.

Memento Mori

"Central bankers need to be considered mortal because monetary policy has its limits. Those limits are now being reached, or at the very least approached, in some economies."

Green Grass of Tunnel

Would you meet me by the water baby?

Kapow!

The truth is, I can't relate to humans because I am not human. Kapow!

The Playground

One of my favorite quotes is "there is no such thing as idle time". I tried searching for the source but can't find it somehow. If I can recall correctly it was said by Imam Al-Ghazali. The story goes,  he was at the playground with a group of other kids. When asked why wasn't he playing like the rest,  he replied "I am not like the other kids"

True to his words, he became one of the most influential people in the history of Islam. His philosophy is so profound that it takes a great deal of patience and intelligence to read his books. 

2 07

Oh, we shared some ideas
All obsessed with fame
Says we're all the same


Oh, I don't see it that way
I don't see it that way

How different are you from other kids at the playground?

The chase

"We would like to take credit for a lot of what we do and who we are but so much of it involves other things that have nothing to do with us. It's pure circumstance" Hamza Yusuf

Going back to 2 nights ago when I came home a lil later than usual because I got caught up with work. I started to wonder, why am I doing this? am I learning all these new things because I am chasing after something or am I chasing to learn?
If it's the former, have I considered the materiality of what I'm chasing and if it's the latter, have I defined the end game?

When it comes to defining success, perhaps I am way more conservative than I'd like to acknowledge.
I truly believe that success, whatever it may be, comes from blessings and that quote up there illustrates reality because all my life I am convinced that I have been blessed with things I don't deserve. Until when am I going to depend on all that spillover blessings? There is a dire need to purify my intention and my purpose in everything (especially work right now as it occupies so much of my time)


P/s- Don't forget to stay unassuming

Of great conversations

always a pleasure.

I am very afraid of

being dumb

Why does Israel need Egypt?

The 33 year old "peace" between Egypt and Israel since the treaty was signed in 1979 is not what it seems and here are the nugget sized facts to tell you why:

1) Under the controversial 2005 deal, Egypt exports 43 percent of gas supplies to Israel, which depends on the Egyptian gas to generate 40 percent of its electricity (below market price if I may emphasize).
 
2) Mubarak refused to open Rafah border causing Gazans to live under Siege.
 
3) The most significant impact of U.S. aid to the Mubarak regime was that it bent Egyptian policy in the direction of supporting Israeli goals. With Mubarak’s border cooperation, for example, Israel could continue its blockade of Gaza Palestinians and Hamas.
 
4) The Egyptian government even began building a deep barrier at the Egypt-Gaza crossing to block the tunnels through which Egyptian and Palestinian merchants evaded the Israeli blockade.
 
5) Such cooperation has been lauded by Israeli officials as necessary for the moribund “peace process” with the Palestinian Authority. But in reality, this relationship with an Egyptian dictator may simply have given successive Israeli governments the freedom to continue building settlements on what is left of Palestinian land in the West Bank.
 
So there you go, a non-exhaustive list of the relationship between Egypt and Israel. Terra.

of t(r)olls

Yesterday, I went to work at 7 hoping that I could escape the traffic. To be fair, the traffic on a normal day isn't always that bad. Cars are slow-moving at certain bottle-necks but all in all, we've never been stagnant for too long.

There is one main problem with highways and that is the toll part. I personally think that they should banish all tolls but even if they want to continue leeching off our hard-earned moolah, I suggest that they do something about the toll system.

Despite having a number of smart tag and touch n go lanes, the ridiculously heavy traffic at the toll seems too relentless to go away. As surprising as it is, many KLites remain loyal to cash instead of the somewhat more hassle-free system (arguable, given all that hassle we've gone through). Ofcourse there are also people like me, who just keeps on forgetting to top up her touch n go or worse, misplacing it altogether. Regardless of that masochistic human behaviour, something bigger than that is amiss.

So why not improve the system? we're not only paying ridiculously high toll fees, we're also still suffering from traffic.

The e-tag system is Australia for instance is superb. You just have to slow your car down to 30km/h when you pass by the e-tag toll booth. Alternatively you can even pay by credit card. The secret lies behind the technology of the sensor and the device itself which without a doubt we can adopt and upgrade. Unfortunately, we are one nation rather slow at keeping up. (come onnn, consumers themselves can't even keep up with a more sophisticated payment system).

Things can be done to improve our daily lives! Someone should write a letter to Teras Teknologi Sdn Bhd. But being a typical Malaysia, that someone should not be me.....

Sophie's world

Kinda hard to imagine that this was the kind of thing I used to do when I was free. Read deeply and spend time writing notes, highlighting sentences for my understanding and internalisation.

These days I barely read a book. Not so much because of the lack of time, but even when I have nothing to do, I just prefer doing nothing.

Reality itself has the tendency of sucking the life out of you. My job is not to figure out how it does it. I'll leave it to you people who have time at their disposal (who does, really?)

But since I've wasted enough time writing that pointless bit up there, I might as well contribute to society a little.

“A philosopher knows that in reality he knows very little. That is why he constantly strives to achieve true insight. Socrates was one of these rare people. He knew that he knew nothing about life and about the world. And now comes the important part: it troubled him that he knew so little.”  Sophie's World.

switching from conspiracy theories to philosophy not only shows the socially unexplainable human behaviour(...) but also the vast range of things to learn. If we are courageous enough to admit we are better than others due to our intelligence, than indeed we are not courageous but just plain stupid.

Malas lah nak fikir.

It's going to take a lot of effort, but mom said never forget the good things people have done for you although I must admit that it's much more than just appreciating good deeds.

a friend once said, making something work requires effort.

The sun is too loud these days.

Ramadhan is coming!

So Ramadhan is approaching and it reminds me of the time I was in Sydney. A friend of mine, at that time, did not fast, despite being a muslim. It is a big deal, as it is one of the five pillars of faith, but that's not the issue here.

He believes in the goodness of fasting but he questions the necessity of doing it for 30 days in a specific month. He said (and believing that his reason was based on a legit philosophical ground), the reason behind fasting is to discipline ourselves, but if we can discipline ourselves in other ways, then fasting would be obsolete,
Ofcourse I didn't believe nor agree, not for a second. A German diplomat who observed Ramadhan once wrote:

" it would not matter when the fast exactly starts and terminatets if the purpose of the exercise was merely to lose weight, put the body through a cleansing cure, show solidarity with the hungry in Africa, or steel one's discipline through mental fitness training. All these effects are merely spin-offs, windfall gains. Primarily, a muslim abides by the rules of Ramadhan because they have been laid down for him, the slave, by his Lord"

I have nothing against my friend to be honest. What we believe and adhere to are choices we make for ourselves. There's no point making a judgment on someone else's actions. I just wish I had the mental agility to give a respond to him, as accurate as how this German guy did.

you know what's a waste? how I can't look past that wary and aggravating facade into that indescribably beautiful mind.

My loss, but I really don't see myself trying harder to gain.

I'd rather dance with than talk with you

there's place for us to shake and hey I like this tune.

John's economics and morality

Dear Mr. Nash,

We know that Nash equilbrium is when, assuming you know the other person's strategy, changing yours won't make you better off. 

The gist of your idea is that we can't predict the choices of multiple people by analysing those decisions in isolation. We must instead ask what would each person do, taking into account the decision-making of the others. Well who can argue with your brilliance Mr. Nash.

However Mr. Nash, this works incredibly well with logic. Reality often neglects irrationality. Irrationality doesn't just involve the lack of thought, or ability to think but often springs from our emotions e.g. sadness, envy, anger..

In your movie "A Beautiful Mind", you explained to your friends that if they all went for the prettiest girl, they would all end up getting rejected. Instead of competing for the prettiest girl, strategising to approach someone different would promise everyone a companion at the end of the night. It's kinda hillarious seeing how a bunch of smart people agreed to that as you know, being scientists, their rationality supercedes their very much under developed emotions (or is this a discriminatory perception of smart people, haha). Therefore, your theory was agreeable, regardless of the fact that you ended up with the prettiest girl.

Let's steer this topic closer to the conclusion I am trying to make. There is a pervasive sentiment in almost every culture I know and one that is absolutely destructive is jealousy or to put it precisely "hasad dengki".
Sometimes the right decision will give someone else the best pay off but should that matter? Somehow some still prefer to make an irrationally bad decision just so that the other person won't gain at all. If only everyone on earth read economics (hah!), then everyone would understand why "hasad" or jealousy is stupid. right?

Sincerely,

A fan.

What Holocaust?

So I've always had this obsession with the Holocaust and it's far from being over. I do believe that a genocide did in fact happen but there is more to it than what we have been told. The truth behind the Holocaust is still very much obscure.

The great controversy following Ahmadinejad's denial of the Holocaust should ring a bell. His denial was not unwarranted for, neither was the criticisms he received for making such a statement. So why doubt the reality of holocaust? 6 million jews did die after all. Well let me firstly map it out for you.

Tried my best not to get caught up with all the conspiracies which reverted me to the sources of history and not just GOOGLE "WAS HOLOCAUST A CONSPIRACY?". So rest assured that this is not just for argument's sake...or maybe it is.

The Rothschilds were the most powerful family in the world I dare say since the 18th Century up to early 20th century.  Of German-Jewish origin and believed to have single-handedly financed the British war effort (battle of waterloo) where they also played both sides of the warring parties ( how evil..)

They became the pre-eminent holder of bullion after profiting from the battle(if you have the time, do read on how they did this), subsequently becoming the bullion broker of Britian (amongst other parts of the world) making them the controller of money. Nathan Rothschild himself said that he cares not what puppet is placed upon the throne of England as the man who controls the money supply, controls the empire.

At the time of the "Holocaust", Germany was in a deficit. The popular opinion was that, America financed Germany's great genocide, and the American company IBM  intensified the discrimination against Jews by supplying punch cards that facilitated identification and segregation of Jews.

but that doesn't mean they planned the war? they just took advantage of the event to reap ridiculously large profits. to what extent the phrase, "it's nothing personal, it's just business" can be applied pun tak tau la kan.

In reality, during the 19th century, the banks were the main financiers of governments around the world, and the most powerful and influential banks were owned by the Rothschilds. So did they really fund the nations to make war against their very own race just to profit from it? Only to also be the largest most significant financier of the illegal state of Israel not many years from then? Well something's not right here. Did they finance Hitler? Of course there is no hard evidence to support that. But being the controller of the vast wealth of the world, could they have done anything about the genocide ? I would like to think so. Instead, they leveraged on that unfortunate event to justify their occupation of Palestine and gain sympathy.

The death of 6 million people was not nothing. It was one of the saddest events in the history of mankind. But what's even sadder is the exploitation of the deaths by what could possibly be the perpetrators themselves.

Yes I sound like another conspiracy theory, that's difficult to avoid, but I hope I made you ponder a little. 

Alice and The Black Swan

Regret doesn't just stem from mistakes. Sometimes you regret all the right choices you've made in life which probably means, somewhere along the way, you have forgotten a part of yourself.

To me, the black swan is an economic phenomenon, when really it's an economic theory derived from the natural phenomenon of rarity. I'm equipped to think all economic theories are natural like that. The metaphor itself is used to describe an (almost) impossible event. People used to think all swans were white until they explored the land downunder and found what was deemed to be non existent- black swans. This theory was used to explain how an unexpected turn of events caused the global financial crisis. Also applied in finance currently, to develop a robust model to..sorta.. Plan the unforeseen. Sounds fairly ridiculous, but we do live in a ridiculous world. alice did say there's no use in trying, one can't believe in impossible things, but the queen replied, "I dare say you havent had much practice."

So how does black swan relate to regrets and Alice in wonderland? Let me add another little useful quote I love. "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there" A black swan was not unforseeable. It was constructed ignorance. so is regret in a way.

of Truth

“but it is not only the difficulty and labour which men take in finding out of truth, nor again that when it is found it imposeth upon men’s thoughts , that doth bring lies in favour; but a natural though corrupt love of the lie itself."

"But it is not the lie that passeth through the mind, but the lie that sinketh in and settleth in it, that doth the hurt, such as we spake before."

Francis Bacon.

I'm opening up a cafe

seriously.!

I'm not afraid, I'm just practical.

IS GOOGLE PSYCHIC?

Google is a genius.

you know how google is so damn advanced now, they've got that auto complete suggestions. Well I typed in "story of .."and out of the million suggestions it could have given me, it suggested the exact story I was looking for. wait how?

I googled how google auto complete suggestions work(a bit redundant I know), and instead of regurgitating the long albeit interesting explanation here, I'd like to share the link (in case you are interested in random information like me):

http://searchengineland.com/how-google-instant-autocomplete-suggestions-work-62592

I would like to think of myself as someone who is absolutely disorganised despite the extensive effort to change, ergo I get constantly amazed at the existence of such a system that is so specific, precise and well structured. Amazing what humans can do huh.. 

Having said that, even though it's cool, I still can't comprehend how it figured out what I was searching for. I don't think what I wanted to know was a popular search, or fresh, or regionally related, or even relevant to my search history. So let's just agree that google might be psychic. 

Keynes Vs Tony

Keynes* said that there will come a time when demand will be satiated. However, Tony** believed that if we run out of things to consume then we will consume rubbish.

I miss Economics.


* Keynes was such a revolutionary figure in the field of economics, so profound he wrote the book The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money.

** Tony was my economics lecturer in Sydney Uni, a brilliant man with a sadistic sense of humour. 

Gandhi believed that morality can only be built on faith.

I must concur.

How I was.

Maybe you've never been in a position that pushes you to the brink of insanity that there is nothing else to do but for you to get up at night and beg to God on your knees to help you get through it all.

therefore, you never felt the urge to do so.

which is why a purpose and a goal whether ever changing or constant during your useful life, is too damn important.

to have a purpose is to work for something, and to work for something requires you to constantly surrender your fate to God because He is all-knowing.

la yu kallifullah hu nafsan illa wus 'aha , laha makasabat wa 'alaiha maktasabat.

God will not burden you beyond your means. God will not ask you what is beyond your ability.

2:286 (sura Al-Baqara, verse 286)
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I found this in my old journal and I miss this feeling. 


p/s- A friend was kind enough to remind that when quoting the Quran, one must include the chapter and verse of the surah itself. Thanks!

No thanks world.

I've finally stopped coveting world domination, not because it is  inconceivable, impractical or utterly absurd, but simply because the world will come to an end one day, and I am too self-centered to willingly hold all that responsibility over the distress we witness everyday.

so thanks but no thanks.

I met Dr Zeti.

The problem is, I like to bend the rules a bit too much and I don't mean it in a "I'm a badass" way.  It's more like, I don't understand rules and why they are applied sometimes.

So one fine day, I drove to Sasana Kijang. To put it simply, Sasana Kijang is the knowledge centre of Bank Negara. It's a separate building about 400 metres away from the headquarters on Jalan Dato' Onn in KL and it's truly a state of the art structure. Perhaps not from the outside, but the interior and the concept as a whole is just magnificent but I shan't digress. There is also a museum open to the public in this building, and soon the kids section complete with a tunnel filled with a million bucks will be ready. Exciting yes? YES.

I am digressing again, my goodness. Being quite a fan of the museum cafe where they have decent food and coffee at subsidised prices, I decided to head over for a sandwich-to-go. If I am not mistaken, we are however not allowed to park around the compound in front of the building where the museum cafe is also located at, as there are ample indoor and lower ground parking spots provided. It was not so much that I didn't want to pay the 3 dollar per entry parking fee but it was just a little bit more troublesome to park at the designated spot with all the walking and "elevator wait". Didn't make sense to go through all that trouble just to get a sandwich ergo I drove around the compound for one whole round just to see if there was anyone who was bending the rules as I plan to do. NADA. Fortunately for me (or so I thought), I saw a silver car, stopping directly in front of the cafe and I quickly thought that perhaps it is okay to park there after all. Naturally, I followed suit only to witness a woman coming out of the car gracefully before I could really drive towards that ideal spot.

To my surprise, it was...the Governor herself. Yes, Dr. Zeti. I freaked out for a moment before I started reversing the car as quickly as possible hoping she doesn't see one of her employees trying to bend a simple rule (ahh she doesn't even have the time to care I presume). Memang lah she can park there, she can park anywhere durrrrr! Stop with the perangai squatter Ainul.

"Life is both sad and solemn. We are let into a wonderful world, we meet one another here, greet each other - and wander together for a brief moment. Then we lose each other and disappear as suddenly and unreasonably as we arrived." Alberto Knox in Sophie's World.

On Bersih

Regardless of whether you are for or against BERSIH 3.0, laughing at one or another requires a great amount of cruelty and I hope my two cents will tell you why.

I personally stayed home, not because I don't support it, but simply because I hate getting down and dirty. It's a poor excuse, but to each his/her own way of battle right?

In light of this event, I've read varying comments of what people think of Bersih 3.0 but I believe before we get down to business, let's first go back to understanding the fundamental reason behind BERSIH. The Rally of Bersih was designated to be peaceful in the pursuit of conveying the coalition's humble request for a reformation of the electoral system to ensure free and fair elections.

Sounds absolutely sensible? I sure think so. After all, that is our power as rakyat(citizens)? Without free and fair elections we are just dictated by a bunch of scumbags who have tricked us into believing we have chosen them as our caretakers. Right?

This rally isn't a repeat of the 26th January episode in Egypt. The crowd in Tahrir Sq, amounted to millions, persevered through weeks of pain and torture just to overthrow Mubarak and his abominable regime. This isn't an attempt to topple anyone. While some people think it is a waste of time and an embarrassing display of ungratefulness, I would beg to differ. You have to understand that some attendees might have gone there out of curiosity or fad, rather than having real understanding of the principles, but there are just as many people if not more, who were there with conviction. They believe that their presence will not only send a message but also bring about a real change this time. So why should we belittle the courageous people whose sole purpose to be on the streets was not even to fight, loot or cause havoc but simply to show they've had enough.

I thought we would have waken up by now and get out of our comfort zone, if not completely, more often at least. Most people still react in ways that show their disapproval of criticisms against the ruling class. Due to the stigma associated with the subject, talking about it somehow leads to misunderstanding. Just because we start getting on the case of our very own government, the people who have provided us food, healthcare, employment etc, and just because almost all government in the world are corrupt (and I say this with utmost confidence), we should neither stop ourselves from being critical of them nor should our criticality indicate that we’re ungrateful. Constructive criticism does exist, and is especially important to ensure good governance.  Does someone who is in power and has provided us facilities, which are rightfully ours to begin with, deserve to be above the law/immunized? Wow if like that, when will we ever grow?

Perhaps that is why we were easily oppressed, suppressed and colonialized for extensive periods.  I suppose I’m one of those cowards who refuse to go on the streets but I am so glad to know that if I were to fight for a noble cause, there are many people who would willingly take the streets with me. I am proud that finally some Malaysians know what they want and are not afraid to show it anymore.

But again, I’m not for or against Bersih. I just don’t understand what is so wrong with wanting free and clean elections and showing it on the streets. To think that our elections are clean is to be absolutely naïve. I’ve gone through 3 elections where I’ve witnessed fraud in broad daylight to learn that. The request is sensible, responsible and non violent. In fact, thinking such public display of dissatisfaction is a waste of time shows your complete lack of knowledge in the history of great civilizations(and the modern arab spring). The gist of it is just that and maybe you can’t get yourself to change your mind about Bersih(which is not my intention even) but I do hope you can stop insulting it.

If you laugh at people who genuinely believe in clean and fair election, then laugh at yourself for wanting less or for thinking you don’t have to fight for it.